Handling emotions is key to coaching/mentoring, and also leadership. Or just life!
Being authentic, vulnerable is key coaching/mentoring at the mastery level. It is from that space the coach can createtrust, a key coaching competency. When the trust is created,
- listening is active
- questions are powerful
- communication is direct, all ICF coaching competencies, and for the client, of course. The coach is not there, only the client.
Coaching Scenario: A client shared…
- “An external, minor trigger opened a deep wound. Then I was hit, totally out of the blue, with baseless allegations from a business-partner. Then there was a potential partner as insensitive and un-empathetic. Thus I completed a quick hat-trick.”
- After a pause, with a tinge of sadness in voice and tearing up a bit, he continued, “Looking back, I handled the emotions well. In a way, that would make me proud. That seemed to be the best response. But then, not in a way that makes me feel good. I was suppressing my emotions, yet again.”
Can I be at the same level of being (vulnerable, authentic and all other jargon), at all the times, irrespective of people/situations, around me?
- One view is yes. Just be! Everything else will be aligned. Personally, I have tried it out. I have found it difficult in the beginning.
- Another point of view is, ‘I choose to be at different levels of vulnerability at different situations, relationships’. For example, with mom, dad, boss, spouse, sibling, children, team-members, different members in the community…. The reason is, ‘I just can’t be same at all points’.
But then, can I selectively numb emotions? What happens when I do that?
“We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions”
— Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are (courtesy Goodreads)
More so in relationships where you are unfairly targeted. Seemingly for no fault of yours. And the pain remains deep within. It surfaces at times when similar situations crop up. Then in comparison you feel less troublesome. For you have handled bigger pains and hence able to handle other nuisances. Triggers coming up with unfailing regularity.
“Why me?”, is a question that may not find an instant answer.
Master’s Voice: “Have faith that Truth will save you in the long run; stick to it, regardless of what might befall. For if you are true, the sense of guilt will not gnaw your insides and cause pain”.
Be vulnerable. Choose wisely, how you want to handle your vulnerability.